Anyways, I go to the beach in 1 week from tomorrow with just my mother! I cannot wait!! It will be good for us both to get away!! I hope I lose another 8 lbs before next week. I really want to be down 20 when I go to the beach. I will still have 10 more to go but atleast I can feel comfortable on the beach.
Lately, I have been seeking God like never before. Like seeking him hard. In everywhere, in every place, in every circumstance. I recently had a scare at my house and someone stole stuff... and that instance made me so fearful. But instead of running and worrying as I would have done before... I have DECLARED that I am safe. I have a God that is always by my side and he has his angel's around my house at all hours of the day. I have had a sense of faith that is deeper than ever before. I have always believed and always sought after God... but now its just on a different level. I want to continue to go deeper and discover him in more places in my life. I want him to be my answer to everything, because he is. He is the answer.
Also, it seems during this time in my life, there is not that many positive influences around me. I mean, yeah at church, but not really in my everyday life. I have had to separate myself from some friends. But someone recently told me that is it better to have favor with God, anytime, and not have favor with your friends. This is so true. We must continue to not try to please this world but please him. That also goes for our flesh. WE must continue to not strive to please what our body wants but what God wants for us.
Last night at prayer service, Jesus was so evident in that sanctuary. Me and him talked... really talked. The biggest thing here lately that I have struggled with is love. Not loving others, I feel like I do a pretty good job with that... but myself feeling love. I have a hard time, if I dont feel like I am loved from "that significant other", or "family" or friends. That really gets to me, more than it should. But last night I felt as if God was telling me that HIS love is enough. He is more than enough. He is love and if I have him, thats all I need. When I pray, I promise it is like I am talking to him face to face. Someone who didnt have that kind of relationship with him might think I am crazy if they heard me. But I prayed that he would take the desire out of my life for a "husband" or a "significant other" if it was not my time to have a relationship that would lead to that. I am seriously exhausted and drained from the devil drilling me with thoughts as if "I am not loved" or "I am not good enough" or "I will always be single and lonely" I dont believe those. I just believe there are things that some people have to wait for. "Having faith in God, means also having faith in His timing" So that is what I am doing. Trusting him, removing the desires and cares from my heart that he is not "ready" for me to pursue at this time. I am focused on Him and His walk for my life at this time. And if I seek him first, well then everything else will be added unto me. He promises that in his word. And right now, that is what I am clingling to.
Love,
Crystal
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