Late night thoughts...

I absolutely never stay up this late. But after a movie night with Jameri, I cant seem to sleep. I have a bajillion thoughts running through my head. I have determined that in my life, I am devoting myself to live with no regrets. True.. I have some in my past. Who doesnt? But I want to change and rekindle what I feel should have never been torn apart. 2 years ago I was so young, not in just age but in maturity. I wanted to explore the new things and try new relationships with new friends and different people. But what I didnt realize is what I had. I had probably the best thing I will ever have... I am I sucker to believe everything happens for a reason and maybe I wouldnt truly know what I felt until I felt what it was like to look back and miss it. Like really miss it.

Like I said before, I am using this time to focus. Focus on things that matter and that I can actually control. I dont control my future. So I am just making myself available for God to use. But during this focus time, I am focused and determined to lose weight. I am not happy with myself. I feel sluggish and unattractive. I want to feel comfortable in my own skin... so tomorrow starts the fiercness. I am so determined and in 30 days there will be a significant difference in my looks. No doubt. Just wait.

Live the life of no regrets. Thats kinda hard to do right? No one intentionally does something that they would regret, well, not everyone. I see my future so different than the present. I see myself so happy with so much of my dreams and goals unraveling. There is nothing wrong with wanting love and your own fairy tale. However, there is something wrong with not excepting the real life story of fairy tales. They're are not easy, some take time, some take work, and others might not happen. Its a hard pill to swallow, but I promise, I will do all I can to make sure I am available for the Lord to work in my life. For me to be ready when my time comes for him to use me. I dont want to miss it. I want to be ready.

Rambling on...

Crystal