Seek ye First..

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Matthew 6:33. This word was given to me by someone tonight that I look up to so much. I know this scripture and have heard it a million times. But here lately it has been so hard to see past the edge of my nose sometimes. I never know where to go, what to do, who to trust, who can be depended on. Nothing. I feel like a lost sheep. I pray constantly for wisdom and direction. Tonight, hearing that this is what the Lord wanted to let me know, even though I already "knew" it. It was so great. It was confirmation of I dont have to see anything clearly. I, cant do anything without him. I must continue to seek him first. Continue to do without that one special "Love", and without other things in this life, and seek him first. And then all those others things will be added unto me. It so hard not to want to constantly "fix" things and "make" things happen. But I cant. God has to. Thats his job, not mine. I have to deal with me, get my walk right, and continue to grow, and leave my permanent decisions and life changing experiences up to him. Man, thats so hard. GOD is in control.. God is in control.

If this is how it hurts, it couldnt get much worse,
if this is how it feels to fall, then thats the way it is,
We live with what we miss, we learn to build another wall,
until it falls.

If its it between love and loosing, to never have known the feeling,
Ill still side with love, and if i end of lonely,
atleast Ill be there knowing, I believed in love.

To clear some things up, what we had was real.. I loved you with a everlasting love, a love I still have and havent stopped having. I love others before you, with love. With a genuine love. I wanted the best for them, I wanted to be there for them, and I wanted all of that. My love for you caused me to be absent from the relationship. To be rude, inconsiderate, and someone who I am not. I was somewhat manupulative into trying to make them you. Crazy right? Love does crazy things. I have prayed for the Lord to remove this from me if it is not right, so the next relationship I have, it can be true, and I can finally be able to give me, all of me. If I am physically able to do so. But if I continue to feel this way, then all I now is to continue to trust God, to continue rely on him for guidance until the next step in my life.

I cant be sad, the best is yet to come.
Just gotta hold my head high, Its hard to say goodbyes,
I have to keep taking the chance, I hope you understand.
I will not forget those times, I wont forget those feelings,
so dont forget I am going to see you again.

see ya soon
Crystal