Stay

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPG1n1B0Ydw&ob=av2e

Listen to the above song.. its where my heart is tonight. It deals with a girl who wants something so bad to happen and then realizes that since it he never will be only hers then she moves on. I understand this. I get being lonely sucks, trust me. But I cant seem to get to the giving up part. I want to sometimes. In every other situation, Id give it a big "forget you" and move on. I cant forget it. I havent ever forgot it. Ive tried. It just never truly went away. I wont be able to have a successful relationship until something changes. Either my feelings, or... well lets just leave it at that.

Yeah, I make decisions without thinking and I HAVE to stop. I jump to conclusions and decide what I feels best and act on it. I have been better at this. Learning to trust and putting things in Gods hands. But it seems I like to be in control and always KNOW what will happen so I can guard my heart. But I cant win that way. The way to true happiness it to let God direct. I know this, I do. Its just really hard to continually turn everything over to him, daily. I feel as if I need to know, to be warned, I really cannot stand another heartbreak. God knows that... right? Please Lord, dont let me go through anything like that again. I am giving it all to you. Please, not again.

Its late, and again I cant sleep. Its been a week since we talked. Lord, please?

Crystal