"Talking with quiet confidence will always beat screaming with obvious insecurity!"
Amen to that!! I have to constantly remind myself that the devil is at work, not just on me, but the people around me. He knows what gets under my skin and what irritates me the most. But I cannot let him win. I cannot let my pride and insecurities get in the way of the ultimate goal of loving others no matter their ways. Lately, I have been bothered by someone who used to be close to me. They used to be such a great friend. Now, nothing. Its a complete 180 degrees from what it used to be and not only that... but they are the one person, lately, that causes me to struggle with my walk. It is so nuts. This is what happens, though, when we put our hope in the things and the people of this world. Everybody will disappoint you. Everyone. However, I must treat them as Jesus would treat them and love them as Jesus loves them. That is the MOST difficult thing for me. I will admit that I am a stubborn person, but I will also admit that I try really really hard to get along with everyone and make everyone happy. It really gets to me when after all my efforts, that some people just aren't lovable. IN THE LEAST!
Last night, I had a dream. I believe I'll share it. I was in a dark room and all I could hear was crickets and creaking floors. It was cold and uncomfortable. This room felt sticky as if you were in a dungeon and couldn't see the nasty and creepy things sitting around you. This room had no windows, and I was so scared. However, there was one light shining from beneath the door of that room. I kept trying to crawl to the light but it seemed that the floor was tough to walk on and I kept falling. Everytime I would get up the light seem to get brighter. I kept going and going and would get so tired. After numerous attempts I finally made up my mind that I was tired of being "held back". I was tired of just sitting in a cold place and not OVERCOMING the darkness. I am sure you can already see the message of this dream. COMPLETELY POWERFUL. But in the dream I felt as if I struggled forever. But I finally got to the light and it was almost if I could breathe fresher. I opened the door and all I could see (in my dream) was me smiling with the biggest smile I could have. I believe it was the Lord's way of telling me to keep going, the light (him) is worth every struggle.. dont be complacent in my walk, just because its hard, DONT GIVE UP! Here lately, things have been hitting me pretty hard, but I have kept going. Although I dont see any answers, I know that the ultimate answer is worth the struggle. This life is hard and people will lash out at you and hurt you. Life will not be comfortable. But I am an overcomer. I know the promises that the Lord has given me, and although I have tried to forget them or push them aside because now they seem unachieveable, they are HIS promises to me, and if I hold steady everything will come to pass. Through these past 5 months, I have seen such a growth because I have made my mind up to never lose sight of his love. Sometimes I dont feel it, but its not about feelings. It is about certainty. I feel as if I can hear his voice clearer and I can recognize his glory in the small things that I never had before. God is such an awesome God. I have to constantly and daily make my mind up to keep going. Because it's gonna be worth it, its gonna be worth it all. :)
Keep running the race,
Crystal
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